Saturday, 1 May 2010

முதல் கதை

எங்கள் அலுவலகத்தில் கடந்த வாரம், "The Fibber" என்ற ஒரு கதை எழுதும் போட்டி வைத்திருந்தனர். அதற்கான விதிகள்
1. கதை கண்டிப்பாக இந்த வரிகளில் ஆரம்பிக்க வேண்டும் "A beautiful day and I was enjoying my stroll in the park with the breeze. I heard someone calling me from behind and when I turned back"
2. என்ன மாதிரியான கதையாகவும் இருக்கலாம்.
3. 500 வார்த்தைகளுக்குள் இருக்க வேண்டும்.

ரொம்ப நாளாக கதை எழுத வேண்டும் என்று நினைத்துக் கொண்டிருந்த எனக்கு அதை நிறைவேற்றி கொள்ள இது வாய்ப்பாக அமைந்தது. நானும் ஒரு கதை எழுதி அனுப்பியிருக்கிறேன், இன்னும் முடிவு வரவில்லை. அதை கீழே கொடுத்திருக்கிறேன், படித்து விட்டு உங்கள் கருத்துக்களை கூறுங்கள். நான் முதலில் எழுத நினைத்த கதை வேறு, எழுதும் போது மனம் மாறி, கீழ் கொடுத்திருக்கும் கதையாக முடிந்தது. முதலில் எழுத நினைத்த கதையை தமிழில் முயற்சித்து கொண்டிருக்கிறேன், முடிந்ததும் வலைப்பூவில் பதிக்கிறேன். இனி கதை.

Machine Life
A beautiful day and I was enjoying my stroll in the park with the breeze. I heard someone calling me from behind and when I turned back, an angel like girl was standing and she is Meena my long time friend, I was on cloud nine, past 2 years I was longing to see her, this was a shocking surprise.
She smiled at me and said “How are you Vinay?”
“I am doing great, how about you?”
“Doing well.”
We sat in a bench near by and started sharing our good old memories. We had a fun time, sharing on what’s happening in each others world and how we missed each other.
“Do you remember when we met last time” she questioned me.
I thought for a second and said “no idea”
“25 years back, in the get together!”
“Yes, I remember, things went deep in my memory, my processor was little slow in recollecting details.”
“Oh no, still the same boring guy always talking about processor all those stuffs”
“I am sorry.”
I lost myself in the conversation and suddenly remembered that how did she come inside the park? “How did they allow you?” I questioned.
“One of my friend has fractured her limbs and we were asked to go here for treatment, that’s why we were allowed, our details are noted down, we got an early morning appointment, my friend is in the operation lab, I came to the park.”
I smiled and said “After that incident they are not allowing any females inside this place, very rare to see any female, I am really happy to see you”
“Yes, it happened 50 years back, after that clash between the genders we were separated and placed in different worlds.”
“How did you commute here?”
“We came in our mini rocket”
“Is that your friend” I said pointing to another female coming into the park.
She rushed towards her “Sara Got your problem solved?”
“Yes” said Sara.
“Meet my friend Vinay, we were together in this world decades back, actually we both were developed on same day Feb 23rd 2623 to fight against the human created robots and that was a successful war.”
“Vinay, this is Sara, one of the new breed of robots developed in our world.”
I smiled at Sara, but she didn’t.
“Its time for us to leave Vinay, we have to reach our world in another 1 Hr. that is our scheduled time”
“Nice meeting you, you made my day”
“Nice meeting you too, hopefully we meet again before our expiry date”
I smiled sarcastically.
Meena zipped away in her mini rocket. I stared at the sky for a minute and started my long and final walk to my cabin, I have a manufacturing defect so my expiry date is advanced by a decade and today is the day and I’ll be destroyed in another 30 minutes, before she reaches her world. I said in the air “Thanks Meena, you made my day”.


கே.ரவிஷங்கர் said...

கதை நல்லா இருக்கு.சாதா கதை என்று படிக்கும்போது திடீரென்று சயின்ஸ் பிக்‌ஷன் ஆகிறது.

பழைய நண்பியைப் பார்ப்பதுதான் you made my day என்பதை விட அதன் கூட பழைய மெஷின் தனம் இல்லாத சம்பவங்கள் ஏதாவது சேர்த்திருக்கலாம்.இன்னும் ஆழம் கூடும்.

வெற்றி பெற வாழ்த்துக்கள்.
முடிந்தால் என் சிறுகதையைப் படிக்கவும்.

ரகசிய தோழி தீபாவுக்கு ...!

அநன்யா மஹாதேவன் said...

Dear Annamalai,
For the first attempt the story was very different. Excellent effort.

It is surprising to imagine different worlds for Men & Women.
I dint quite understand the fact When you say //Feb 23rd 2623 to fight against the human created robots and that was a successful war// Are they robots as well?

I suggest you rewrite this from a different perception.

It definitely reminded me of Sujatha's science fictions, but lacks clarity in terms of incidents and facts.

But kudos to you, first effort was commendable.

Annamalai Swamy said...

@ ரவி சங்கர்.
நன்றி ரவி சங்கர். உங்கள் கதையை படித்தாயிற்று.

@ அநன்யா
Thanks Ananya. All the characters in the story are Robots. The year is mentioned just to say the readers that this story is happening in futuristic time, Who knows in 2623 two robots may be talking like this.

அநன்யா மஹாதேவன் said...

Hmm.. That is a different view. Nice.

Balamurugan said...

Annamalai, Kathai keethai ellam eluthare...Ennamo poda..Ana Nalla irunthathu...Naan ellam innum Vijay padam pathittu irukkiravan...Athanale nee enna eluthanalum naan padippen....But this is good...

Mohan said...

Annamalai, nalla ezhuthi irukka...time kidaikum podhu ezhuthu.


AnoopP said...

Very lovely story.. the feelings of Vinay the robot has tint of love.. awesome.. love gives you the feeling that there is something more important than anythying else in the world... even expiry date doesn't seem to be a worry then.. hope the feeling of love never gets lost during the evolution of mankind...


venkatesan said...

Really Superb at the first stage